Rules About Women: The Friend Zone Saga

The Friend Zone Saga

I've heard a lot of stories about the dreaded Friend Zone. Its a common, nightmarish problem all my guy friends seem to have had. They like a girl, they'd love to date her, but unfortunately, that girl is their best friend. Well. Crap. Or worse, they like a girl, she seems to like them, but just "as a friend." Double crap. So how does one avoid, escape, and overcome the Friend Zone? Buckle up, it may not be an easy ride.

First things first, you need to know that sometimes, the girl really does just want to be friend's. It happens. So, word of advice, if you're trying and it isn't working, don't pine after someone who isn't interested, it wastes your time and theirs. But, if there's a shot, if your attempts are getting some positive feedback, then by all means, let's help you win the girl.

Now, there are two phases of the Friend Zone. The first is the easiest to assist with, and that is simply the Avoidance Phase. Basically, you like a girl, you want to date the girl, but you're worried you'll end up Friend Zoned. The second is the more difficult phase to overcome, and that is you actually being in the Friend Zoned.

Today we will focus on the first phase.

Chapter One

Avoiding the Friend Zone

It isn't as easy as it sounds. Girls don't usually want to date a guy they know nothing about or have only met a few times. If anything, they won't really want to date someone unless you're at least an acquaintance, maybe a friend of their friend. Any good, lasting relationship requires you actually getting to know the person, just as you would with a friend. How many times do you hear happily married women say, "I married my best friend."? Quite a lot, my grandmother tells me that all the time. Women don't want to marry someone who won't end up being their "best friend," so to speak. So how do you avoid becoming Friend Zoned, while still building the friendship girls want in their future significant other?

Firstly, you need to be around. Don't sit there in the shadows watching her flirt with other guys. Helloooooo that's competition! Tease her, flirt with her, engage in conversation! Don't be a wallflower, be someone who makes her life entertaining and fun even when you AREN'T dating! This is what we call Creating Potential. How much Potential does a wallflower have? None. Ever notice how Lois Lane went for Superman, the guy who was around and not Clark Kent, the guy always running off and hiding behind his glasses? Yep. I know, a cheesy analogy, but true. 

Secondly, for the love of all things holy, DO NOT become her guy advice. Some guys seem to think if they give her advice that they somehow clue her in that "hey, I like you." Yeah, no. If she's asking you for advice, and not some other guy for advice, then nine times out of ten, she's asking about someone else. Girls don't generally make it that easy for the guy to know what they want. That'd be like handing you a step by step manual on how to ask her out, and women don't work like that, no matter how nice it'd be for both parties. If you're giving out advice about men, you're getting into Friend Zoned material. 

Thirdly, you need to show her you're interested in more than just looks and "The One Thing." I can guarantee that when a girl first goes out with you and starts hanging out with you, she's looking to hear what exactly you are interested in. If you're always talking about sex, the other girl down the street, or the usual guy talk we expect, you'll be Friend Zoned. Why? Because while she may think you're cute and nice enough, clearly you're thinking about other women and other things and not her. So ask her about her day. Comment about how she looks. Get involved with her. The easiest way to avoid being set aside for someone else is to show you don't want anyone else. Don't talk about other girls, talk about her. Find out what she likes and make it a habit to bring it up, or better yet, show up with her favorite coffee or the book she keeps talking about. Know what something like that could be? A good way to ASK HER OUT!

Fourthly and finally, don't take forever to ask her out. Interest is fleeting. You need to build a little bit of a friendship, enough so that she knows you and knows you happen to like her (if not the like sort of like, yet.) and then you need to buck up and ask her out. If you take forever to ask her out, she thinks you're perfectly okay with the way things are and you aren't planning on asking her out. That's when you become Friend Zoned and she is A-Okay with looking at other guys. Don't wait until you're too good of friends. You've heard the line "I don't want this to ruin anything between us." Yeah, that's a sign that you got too good at being friends with her, and she doesn't want to lose a friend, because we all know that relationships can end badly. So you need to be enough of a friend for her to like you, but not one of the friends she counts as "super close." 

So there ya go, four steps to help you avoid being Friend Zoned. Remember, girls are not carbon copies. This won't work on them all. You may need more steps, you may need less, you may find some steps of your own. Some relationships just aren't meant to be, so don't get down in the dumps if you're dream girl wants to be friends. If anything the most important thing to remember is that getting to know the girl is important, and also, if you don't have the courage to ask her out, it'll never happen and you'll end up having to settle for being Friend Zoned.